Be Obsessed, Selfish, Ruthless. Or Give Up Now.
The only way to create something incredible in business – or life – is to relentlessly pursue it to the exclusion of other things.
A side note: this is not something that can be done in an hour or two a week.
I guess another way of saying it is that if you’re trying to build your business and live your dreams by treating it in any way (time, investment, energy, emotion) like it’s your hobby and the thing you do when you’re not doing your ‘real life’ stuff, then the OUTCOME will be that you have a rather expensive hobby.
One that will very likely COST you money, just so we’re clear, not make it for you!
So here’s the reality and something we might as well ALL be honest about with ourselves before we invest even another MOMENT in this whole dream biz and life shebang:
If you’re not prepared to be OBSESSED with making your goals reality, if you’re not prepared to be OPENLY selfish about it and if you’re not prepared to let OTHER THINGS SUFFER on your quest to get there (and also be okay with it, out and proud about it not freaking APOLOGETIC about it!) then you will. not. build. your. dreams.
You think that the people who ‘have it all’ did so by actually DOING IT ALL? The whole point of ‘have it all’ is you decide what ‘it all’ is for you and then you DEDICATE yourself to it.
Does this mean that nothing else exists in your life, that you should live as a hermit with no relationships and work 24 hours a day?
Of course not!
Although honestly … it might at times feel that way.
But let’s say your obsession of choice is bringing your ‘big’ business dreams to life. I’m not talking about your nice to have business dreams I’m talking about the ALL THE WAY BIG dreams you have for yourself, the ‘ultimate’ fantasy life you’d love to create.
For some people this might mean making and impacting millions, and doing so in a particular way.
For others it might mean only working a few hours a week, making a more modest income, and being able to invest the time and energy leftover into kids, or travel, or whatever.
When I talk about BIG dreams people seem to assume I mean something to do with massive amounts of fame and fortune but those are just ‘catch’ things I talk about because they are part of MY dream and also many of my clients’ dreams, but what I really mean when I say big is ultimate FREEDOM; the way you’d define it.
Regardless of what your dream is, if you want to create a business and life that is truly INCREDIBLE and ‘fully on your terms’ you WILL HAVE TO BE OBSESSIVELY COMMITED TO DOING SO.
When you wake up in the morning you must set your mind to your vision and therefore your ultimate purpose for the day, when life tries to say or distract you throughout the day you must be able to shrug it off – and yes this may mean ‘selfishly’ saying no to people – and when you finally go to bed at night you must already be dreaming of how you’re going to work on your dream the next day.
You think this is an idealistic fantasy that doesn’t take into account the fact that you’ve got shit to do beyond just chasing your dreams, that other people depend on you, that you’re God damn BUSY never mind tired and unmotivated half the time?
Fine. So be it.
Just know that your entire freaking DREAM is then an idealistic fantasy that will NEVER COME TRUE.
How on earth CAN it if you’re not prepared to give ALL for it?
And really – think about it now – the whole POINT of ‘the dream life’ is that you would WANT to have it to the exclusion of other things in your life!
So you can either focus your ALL on making that dream business and life come true and you WILL see it come true, and fast, or you can focus a percentage of your available resources (time, money, energy, etc) on creating that dream life and I guess if you’re LUCKY you might get a PERCENTAGE of the result you desire.
It’s simple math people, you can’t expect to have it all if you don’t give having that all YOUR all!
But here’s where the advanced math’ll get ya:
If you focus, let’s say 30% of your available time and resources (let’s say 5.4 hours a day out of a waking 18, and no I don’t think we need 8 hours sleep I think the lazier and less motivated and inspired by your life you are the more you buy into the 8 hours of sleep concept or even claim you need MORE … ha! … get a life you can’t wait to wake up for and you would be horrified at the idea of giving up 8 hours a night!), anyway 5.4 hours a day out of 18 so that would mean that 12.6 hours is spent on stuff that IS NOT YOUR DREAM BIZ AND LIFE CREATION.
And let’s say your ‘one day goal’ is to be a New York Times best-selling author, to make millions of dollars and impact millions, to get your TRUE message out there and to be famed as one of the most transformational influencers of your time.
Well answer me this math wizards:
Can you be 30% of a NYT best-selling author?
Do you think you’ll make millions, impact millions, be famous at that level by focusing on creating all of this 30% of your waking time? Which is to say less than 25% of your TOTAL 24-hour long day?
I don’t know but it just seems flat out, well, LUDICROUS.
Repeat after me boys and girls …
YOU GET WHAT YOU FOCUS ON.
And just as someone who eats healthy 30% of the time looks like shit people who invest 30% or even 50% and I’d suggest even 70% of their available resources into creating a dream of ANY kind are going to have half-assed barely discernable results at BEST.
You want it all?
YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT ALL.
But what about things that have to be done each day, like eating, preparing stuff for your day, working out, time for you, time with your family, prayer or meditation, and so on?
Yes. GREAT point.
There are 2 types of things that I believe actually are INCLUDED within the realms of time and other resources invested into CREATING your dream business and life.
1. Things that make you more superhuman
2. Things that are absolute non-negotiables
Things that make you more superhuman, this basically means taking care of YOU from the inside work so that you are in tip-top shape to do the work you came here to do and to bring those dreams to life STAT.
* The Physical You
Exercise, good nutrition, good water, time in nature, high quality sleep (NOT HIGH QUANTITY!), any genuine medical or health care needed, and so on.
Note: be fucking realistic about it. In general to maintain EXCEPTIONAL shape and health you need 30 minutes a day of movement, and to eat good quality protein, greens and good fats. Make some of that movement in the outdoors if you can, a few times a week, and you’re OWNING it. My point is: being in phenomenal shape does not require vasts amount of time, mental focus, or preparation. Cooking healthy is WAY easier than eating shit, and quicker too. So a) stop BS-ing that you don’t have time to be in great shape and b) don’t use taking care of yourself as an excuse to not do the real work.
* The Emotional You:
Let’s be clear: if you want to be the 1% within the 1% you ARE going to need to be insane. Clients often worry to me that they might be GENUINELY crazy and my answer is always instant, and simple:
Yes. You are. I fucking hope so!
Slim to no chance you’re going to create something exceptional without being, well, obsessed. Fixated. Irrational in your ideals … although I guess we could debate if that’s actually true!
But this does not mean you don’t take CARE of yourself emotionally and from a sanity point of view. If you want to be able to make EFFECTIVE fast decisions and then act on them to create the outcomes you desire you NEED TO BE SUPERHUMAN in every part of who you are. You need to be able to ACTUALLY THINK.
So – take care of the emotional you. No this does not mean you need to watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians to destress. It actually links in great part back to taking care of your physical self but it also means having some fucking discipline and self-respect about where you spend your time and energy. Saying no to things you don’t really care about or that don’t serve you. Following through on commitments to yourself. Proving to yourself that you are somebody whose opinion is worth respecting.
It also means including activities in your life that GENUINELY restore you, for example fun and adventure type stuff, or perhaps journaling time or walking in nature for meditative purposes, certainly reading uplifting material, and of course let’s not forget actively AVOIDING activities (and people) that MESS with your emotions or elicit any form of toxic response. A simple way to know you’re taking care of yourself emotionally is do you feel mostly happy, sure of the path you’re taking, confident and joyful within yourself regardless of whether or not things ‘worked’ that day? Do you feel you can THINK clearly?
* The Mental You
It all connects together of course, so many of the emotional care-taking activities I just outlined also improve your mental state, as does working out and eating well.
We could add to those though with activities such as active learning and development, challenging your mind with doing things in a different way or attempting something new, actually taking the time to freaking think about your actions and how you give your life each day rather than just letting life TAKE you.
I would also include cultural or art experiences as an important part of mental and emotional development (and even spiritual), but once again, as with any of this stuff, it’s about then using those things as a reason to not do the work for vast amounts of time each day or week.
* The Spiritual You
If you’re taking care of your other bodies you will automatically already be more tuned in to the spiritual side of yourself than most people, but ACTIVE spiritual investment is still essential for all of us.
Depending on your choice of beliefs this might mean prayer or workship, it could be part of your journaling time, certainly it could be combined on occasion with exercise time or time in nature, and I would recommend for all of us also including elements of stillness throughout our daily madness and mayhem.
Investing in your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual self is ESSENTIAL to your success and therefore it is PART of your 100% obsessive and selfish focus on creating your dreams, it is NOT something you do ‘if you have time for it’.
If you attempt to live that way as an entrepreneur you’ll end up fat, sick, unhappy, overly stressed out, probably addicted to something or other and ultimately BROKE because even if you make some money along the way true wealth does not and cannot include looking and feeling like shit and probably not being able to think clearly as well!
Just a heads up.
I call it being superhuman but actually it’s about being an ACTUAL properly functioning human who utilises the incredible gifts they were born with. It’s sad that doing so makes you the 1% within the 1% rather than the norm, but that’s just how it is.
Most people are walking zombies who die as soon as they commit to the ‘required slash normal life’ and just keep on walking around for another 50-60 years afterwards, waiting for the day they can retire and actually live.
So it might take you anywhere from 60 minutes to a couple hours a day to be superhuman. That’s really IT, but seriously – don’t be that person trying to take care of all their needs in less than 60 minutes a day. Sure you CAN do a speed reading – journaling – thinking – praying – exercise – learning – rejuvenation type of a thang but why the hell would you?
Aren’t you worth more than that?
Don’t you want to ACTUALLY be superhuman?!
The second area of things that you should invest time into daily are your NON NEGOTIABLES.
This is pretty obvious I would think, and after you take care of your superhuman activities above should be mostly covered anyway.
The main thing we haven’t mentioned is relationships, so this is where I’d say (for me, for example) that quality time with my children and partner is NON NEGOTIABLE each day and so that is INCLUDED in my 100% obsessive focus on achieving my dream biz and life goals. Of course it’s a bonus that part of me living my dream business and life is being an engaged and active mother! But even if that weren’t part of my official definition of living my dream it would still be an essential non-negotiable activity that SUPPORTS me reaching my dreams because of what it GIVES me.
Investing time into other relationships in my life is the same although NOT daily, and here’s the thing with many relationships – being a present and ‘good’ friend / family member does not mean sitting around drinking cups of tea and talking about bullshit or watching brain-cell-killing crap for the sake of it.
Don’t cultivate relationships that don’t uplift you, plain and simple, and always be conscious of using time with others in a way that serves your vision for your LIFE.
Is this extreme?
Read the fucking article title again if you think so, and next time don’t keep reading PAST the title!
In the end here is what ALL of this comes down to:
Everything you give your time, money, energy or emotion for is in fact what you are giving your LIFE for. So if it doesn’t CONNECT to what you’re trying to create in your life and actually SERVE the accomplishment of those dreams then it should be ELIMINATED.
If you think it’s wrong or inappropriate to be this obsessive or selfish, fine.
YOUR DREAMS ARE AN IDEALISTIC FANTASY.
And they’ll never come true.
But meanwhile you’ll give your life for maintaining the status quo, for doing what’s expected of you, for being ‘normal’ or a ‘by Society standards’ good person.
But if you want it all.
YOUR version of it all.
And if you want it to actually be ON YOUR TERMS, then you are going to HAVE to be obssessive, relentless, and selfish about it.
This means you do not spend your time, energy or emotion on stuff that does NOT EFFICIENTLY further you physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually or DIRECTLY meet your ‘non-negotiables’.
The REALITY is that most people give their LIFE for stuff that they could outsource for $10 an hour to someone else or alternatively get the fuck over and refuse to do but yet they DON’T largely out of fear of what someone else will think of them.
You think you’re not like that? Take stock baby. 30% is just not going to cut it. You want success and to live your dream you. need. to. be. obsessed.
You need to be ALL in … all means ALL!
You need to be like a fucking MACHINE about this stuff.
THAT’S JUST HOW IT IS.
The path to success is really pretty bloody simple you know:
Just put more effort in than everyone else.
Life is Now. Press Play.