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Live Your Passion

The Best of 2013

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This is a really long post. It took me about 6 hours, over a couple of days – I had to actively restrain myself from adding even more in πŸ™‚ Every year I write up my reflections for the past year and my goals and dreams for the coming. I do this primarily for me as I love looking back each year and am always so amazed how most of what I intend comes true. Reading this blog may (I hope!) inspire and motivate you, or it might bore you to tears πŸ™‚ If you just want the ‘best of 2013’ blog posts and articles, I have highlighted them about halfway through this post.

The Review

2013 was perhaps the toughest year of my life so far, but also one of the most amazing. A year which was in great part shrouded by fear as I fought day by day to get through an incredibly complicated and scary pregnancy. Being told I might not make it to the end. Being given the news that I’d have to have emergency premature labour induced, a hysterectomy and possible bladder removal and that I might not make it at all due to a rare and very serious condition. ‘Living’ in hospital off and on from the 20 week mark, facing the possibility that I would have to stay there full time until the end. Having perhaps the most intense to date year in my business and managing it all from my hospital bedside.

Having all of that then NOT happen, the scary diagnosis wrong but still having constant and increasingly worse bleeding keep me in hospital. Missing my beautiful sister’s wedding in Thailand because I wasn’t allowed to travel. Dealing with financial uncertainty as a result of BOTH of us pretty much living in hospital through this time. And then eventually on September 21 being given the miracle of a perfectly healthy and perfectly perfect son. Being so blessed and grateful and humbled and just LUCKY after all the fears and uncertainty.

It was a year in which I finally fulfilled my dream of becoming a best-selling author. In which I grew my business to the half a million dollar mark and then realised that reaching money goals meant so much less to me than staying in alignment and doing the work I really want to do. A hard but important lesson to learn.

It was a year in which I formed amazing new and deeper friendships through a private mastermind of fellow 6 and 7 figure female entrepreneurs, and a year in which a few friendships also sadly faded away but also in which some old ones were reconnected.

A year in which with 4 weeks notice we upped and moved interstate to follow our dream of living on the beach and working solely online, doing what we love. A year which in some ways I want to run and hide from as it really did HURT a lot but I also want to acknowledge how incredible it was and how important it was for my journey, as every year is. Here’s my wrap up, followed by my best posts of 2013 and then some wishes and dreams for the year to come.

Pride and binge eating

The greatest thing overall for this past year has been pride. It’s a word I try and live by in all areas of my life; to feel proud of how I am in business, with my body, within my relationships, in my life as a whole. And it is with incredible pride that I can now (finally) say I’ve learned how to have a relationship with food and my body that feels good. For the first time in about 15 years I can honestly say I am now fully free of bulimia and binge eating.

I’d go so far as to say that this is the greatest accomplishment of my adult life, so greatly did it consume me for the 10 years I actively fought it. There was a long while there – a decade or so – in which I truly believed I was never going to be free. Even when I broke free of the habit of doing it several years ago, it was still a near-daily mental battle to not do it. And then earlier this year that battle just – disappeared. I’m not sure exactly why and to be honest I don’t want to question it too much. I’m just really freaking grateful. Writing my best-selling book about overcoming binge and emotional eating was part of my healing process, but okay if I had to point to one thing that has been critical in getting FULLY over it I’d say it’s learning to live in accordance with my values.

I’m sure as hell not perfect at that yet, but I’m getting there. And it makes a big difference. Interestingly I’ve noticed over the past 2 weeks as I’ve waged an internal war with myself to do with my 2014 business direction (deets further along in this post) I’ve felt that urge sneak back on me a little. Such a reminder that as soon as I start ignoring my truth and living outside my values I feel the need to mask and push down my anxiety.

Lesson: don’t do sh*t that’s not right for you, do do the stuff your heart most craves.

Oh yeah – I wrote and published my first book! And it became a best-seller!

THAT was cool! For as long as I can remember I’ve dreamed of being an author. Now that I’ve actually self-published 5 books (4 of which are Amazon #1 international best-sellers!) I realise something so profound it stops me in my tracks, as it will you also I’m sure –

The only reason I didn’t do it earlier was, quite simply, because I didn’t.

I can’t say it was laziness or fear or not knowing how, even though all those things came into it. The reason I didn’t was simply because I didn’t! It felt amazing to see my greatest life-long dream come to fruition although I will admit it also felt slightly like a letdown when I realised just how doable it was and had to kick myself at not doing it sooner! Aside from the binge eating book, which is so important, I’d say this is the book I’m most proud of. Go on, have a look at what it is πŸ˜‰

I was hospitalised multiple times with pregnancy complications

I’m incredibly proud of how I kept myself together and positive-minded during the scary periods of my pregnancy, the unknown, the hospitalisation. From 20 weeks pregnant onwards I was in and out of hospital. I’m proud of my self-discipline during that time – proud that instead of being pulled too far into feeling sorry for myself (which I definitely did for a while though; I was in hysterics when I first got the news and serious fear of ‘what if I do die’) I was able to pull myself together and be proactive about how I could improve the situation. I threw everything I could at improving my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual state knowing that even though I had no control I also DID have ultimate control over how I chose to react and that there were things I could do.

Skype date with Enzo and Alyssa while in hospital. God it was hard saying goodbye to her every night, watching her be pulled; dragged away by Enzo in tears because she didn’t understand why Mummy couldn’t come home.

I truly believe it was a miracle that the condition I was diagnosed with essentially disappeared. Basically the condition (placenta percreta; where the placenta escapes through the uterus wall and latches on to the bladder) was there on the scan and then eventually – it wasn’t. I believe that the round-the-country prayer network activated by my family, the kinesiology work I did over Skype from hospital with my amazing kinesiologist Kerry in which we looked at the underlying reasons this was happening to me (FASCINATING stuff to do with how I was living my life, not being true to myself as a creator or as a woman), my decision after the initial freak-out that I did NOT and WOULD not accept this, my journaling and basically just the belief that I could in some way control whether all of that awful stuff came true or not all played a part.

Sure, I might be completely delusional about beliefs impacting the physical reality. But I don’t think so, and if I’m wrong? I am happy in that delusion. And through it all of course, came the greatest miracle of all, that wonder of wonders that we can never as humans cease to be astounded by, which is the birth of a brand new person –

I gave birth to our son, Nathan Samuel Loterzo

Without a doubt the most joyful moment of the year. Despite everything that was so scary about my pregnancy I never stopped believing that it was all going to be okay for my child, even if not for me. We never found out what we were having however I was convinced from early on that I was having a boy. I wouldn’t hear otherwise. Despite that firm positive belief it just felt like such an incredible blessing to finally get through a (natural, albeit 22 hours long) birth at 41 weeks and 1 day and give birth to a perfectly healthy son, 9 pounds and 14 oz. The midwives were fairly gob-smacked at how big he was and I can’t say I overly enjoyed the getting him out part of it myself πŸ™‚

Day before going into labour

Blessed

Afterwards so many people told me they really thought this pregnancy was not going to end well, which I’m certainly glad they never said to me during it! But I get why people thought that. I really feel just so incredibly lucky and grateful for our son; our miracle. And despite it all I do plan to go for a third child in a few years, maybe a fourth after that. I feel very fortunate to be able to have 2 amazing children and I know that despite how difficult this past year was for me there are so many women who are so much worse off and whose worst fears around pregnancy actually do come true. If you are one of them all I can say is I’m sorry. I do know how lucky I am and I thank God every day.

Nathan and I a few days ago; he is now nearly 15 weeks old

I had to miss my sister’s wedding in Thailand

I was banned from traveling overseas in July for my sister’s wedding, due to the pregnancy complications. This absolutely broke my heart. We are very close, my whole family is very close and it just made me want to bawl. Well, I did bawl. Particularly when I watched the wedding live over Skype – which was an incredible thing to be able to do but God was it hard to see my whole family there and to be missing out, thinking about those family photos which would forever be without me. I know it hurt her also that I couldn’t be there although of course she completely understood.

I made this collage for Jess on her wedding day, just trying to fill in the time while in hospital and trying to ‘be there’ in spirit.

This collage I made straight after the wedding – it’s a compilation of screenshots from our Skype call.

I did get to see my little bro get married in November though!

Which was just a perfect day in the Yarra Valley. And I adore my new sister Rachel, in fact I am pretty blessed in that I love all of my siblings partners πŸ™‚

I realised just how blessed I am with incredible family and friends

I was so humbled by how many visitors came to spend time with me in hospital, many traveling from very far away to sit by my side, bring gifts, pray with me. One of my closest and oldest friends even brought a box of special ready-to-use homemade crafts for me to do with Alyssa. My entire family sat around my bedside and we ended up in hysterics laughing over dumb stuff as only siblings and parents can. I remember thinking at the time that it was one of the best and most fun nights I’d had all year!

Everyone who came took time out of their busy lives and schedules, some bringing small children with them, all bringing love. A close friend who I’ve known through the PT industry for years did something so incredibly generous for Enzo and I that I can’t even believe it still. Another dear friend and fellow entrepreneur sent a care box of books and other goodies and even included a handmade toy for Alyssa. My Business Manager Mal not only came to hospital to work with me there (yep, I kept working whilst there; wasn’t gonna fill my time with Dr Phil!) but she spent 2 nights staying in my house and looking after my child. Because my family were all in Thailand for my sister’s wedding and Enzo needed to do SOME work. Now THAT is above and beyond! Basically, I was surrounded by love and support from all sides. It was pretty amazing.

Hospital crafts time

Even thinking of the love I received from these special people during that time brings me to tears a little as I write it.

I met the big man himself

Which was kind of cool but also kind of whatever in the end πŸ™‚ funny how we build things up to mean so much!

I changed the direction of my business again and again and again, and in the last 7 days once again!

I’m nothing if not consistent πŸ™‚ I was re-reading my start of 2013 blog post yesterday and one of the things I spoke about was wanting to ‘break up with stress’ and stop living on fast forward, also to stop working on projects and ideas that weren’t 100% aligned with my message and who I want to be. I will say that in some ways I did a great job in 2013 and in some ways I did an awful job. Everything I did create and do in my business was important and made a difference for people, but not all of it made a positive difference for ME.

I realise that in the last 12-24 months I’ve unwittingly lost sight of the reasons I got into this, which was, quite simply, to write and to make a difference with my writing and become known as someone who inspires others to live their best life. I believe that I have achieved all of that, what I mean is from the outside looking in I know that many people thank me frequently for how much I’ve inspired them to live their best life and to start creating their dream business or lifestyle or all of it. But I guess what I’m trying to say is I still don’t feel as though I’ve been 100% aligned with who I want to be. I feel like I’ve still been very much caught up in what I ‘should do’ or even what I think people want from me.

It’s a tough pattern to break free from. It’s hard to turn away from something, for example, that makes me great money and that people also love and give me such rave feedback on, just because it doesn’t feel completely right. It’s even harder to do when I do actually enjoy that stuff! But there’s a big difference between doing what you enjoy and even what other people love you for and doing what you are CALLED to do and what you know deep down within you will actually impact other people in the biggest way. I feel as though my underlying message or purpose has still been mostly hidden.

The GREAT news for me and for you is that finally, finally, I have given myself permission to just go for it anyway. In a couple of weeksΒ  I’m launching my absolute passion project, The Dream Life Academy Online Bootcamp. It’s a 6-week program where you can work with me intensively to get aligned with success. I’ll be showing you how to quit the BS, get over your sh*t, and create a strategic plan for consistent action so you can live the life you damn well know you deserve. I’ve started writing a series of blog posts on creating your dream life as a lead in to this. You can read them for free over here! The ‘bootcamp is going to be AWESOME and I’m so proud of myself for having the guts to get over my fears, to stop telling myself people just want me to be a body guru or a business guru.

Sorry to say it but to hell with what other people want from me now, from here on out it’s about what I know I NEED for me and ultimately it’s about believing what I know to be true which is that my greatest gift, my greatest ability to inspire, motivate, educate and empower you to live your best life is going to be born from claiming my place as a Dream Life and Business Success Coach and nothing else. I’m hanging to I guess ‘officially’ launch that side of my business, but in the meantime I’ve been blown away at the response to some of the free training I’ve created around it, like my 7 Steps to Living Your Dreams free video training (you can get it over here!) or my Live Your Dream in 2014 Project, also free. If I had to sum all this up I would say 2014 is the year I am going to be unashamedly and ruthlessly true to me. Funnily enough that’s exactly what I try to teach everyone else all the time πŸ™‚

I was supported by an amazing team

I am beyond beyond beyond grateful for my amazing Business Manager Malisa. This woman goes above and beyond for me every single week. And I’m not just talking about her living in my house to babysit my child while I was in hospital! I consider myself to be one of the most fortunate entrepreneurs I know to have someone on my team as my primary right-hand person who I trust so much, who cares so much for my business, who I consider a friend, and who is also excellent at what she does! I must also make special mention of my incredible tech support Joel, my guru sales goddess Amanda, my amazing store manager Kerrie, and my casual assistant Kelly. All of these people are crucial in the overall running of my business and I feel so lucky to have such great staff and support!

I got called a sick f*ck on the internet, for putting up this picture and implying that leaving the crowd was a positive attribute

Maybe I am naive but I was honestly SHOCKED that anybody could think the idea of paving your own way is a bad thing! It happened again just a few days ago, I got called evil for talking about how to create your dream life and perpetuate the ‘myth’ that we have choice. #mindblown!

On a positive note, I managed to get over my need to try and make everyone in the world like me (or at least recognise I’m right!)

I was apparently obsessed with meat/food, babies, business and self-belief – or so says my Facebook word cloud πŸ™‚

Sounds about right!

We upped sticks from Melbourne and put all our belongings into storage on 4 weeks notice, and moved to the Gold Coast

For most of 2013 we’ve been planning that as of mid 2014 we would put all our stuff in storage and start a couple years of round the world travel. Living the laptop lifestyle! Yes, I’m proud to say my business has now for a couple years really been at the point where I can be 100% location independent, and Enzo’s is fast becoming that way also. It’s pretty cool, and just proves that wherever you are at now in YOUR biz, it is so worth keeping on keeping on. I’ve had my share of failed ideas and businesses, I’ve lost or wasted literally hundreds of thousands of dollars and ended up in high five-figure debt, I’ve battled it out online since 2007 but through it all I kept my eye on the prize which was this – I wanted choice. I wanted freedom. I wanted to live life 100% on my terms. I wanted my ‘perfect day’ to become true. And now I have all of that. And it’s as good as I thought it would be to be honest; I’m not going to lie! Screen Shot 2014-01-03 at 8.54.25 AM Here is the rest of what I wrote on that update –

And so we did. When we came up looking for houses a month back, we were laughed at. It’s Christmas! There’s nothing left. Enzo tried to tell me we’d have to make do with what we can get. NO FREAKING WAY was my answer. I am over being ‘not good enough’ to have the home, the lifestyle, the LIFE I want. It’s my time! I put my order in – Our new home has to be all white, all bright, very light, very spacious, ocean views from every room. Short walk to great coffee, the gym, the beach. Basically, I wanted the dream. My dream. But not just a version of it, EVERY FREAKING PIECE. It seemed impossible. And I got really scared that if I didn’t get this dream it would ‘mean something’ about my worthiness.
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But I refused to back down. That was what I wanted and that was what I was having! I knew that when I made my mind up with my body, my business, my money I’d already proven many times over that I can do anything. No longer was I going to hold myself back in this area! Fast forward to now. I’m sitting on the beach. It took about 1 minute to walk here. That view is the view from my bed. It’s also the view from my office, my balcony, my lounge and living area, my dining and kitchen, my bathroom, Alyssa’s room and even my toilet!
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Every day I get up early, take a short walk down the beach to the cafe and write. And build my biz further. I then meet my family at the pool for a BBQ breaky and chill time. Next, we hit the gym. Enzo and I met at the gym, our ‘courtship’ was working out together.
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For the first time in 6 years we are able to train together again. After the gym we hit the beach or a park or shops and then we go home. To that view. In the afternoons I’m off with my laptop again, then it’s dinner, amazing food, amazing wine, a movie or whatever. 8 weeks ago I sat in a conference and wrote my ‘perfect day’. It was the same way I’d been writing it for years. For years I’ve been living more and more of it, gradually creating it. 2 weeks ago, I pressed publish on the LIVE draft of that perfect day. I’m here. It’s bloody amazing to be honest and it IS as good as I thought it would be!
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So my message to you is this. Whatever you dream IS possible. For you. It might take years or it might come quickly. But if you REFUSE to quit you will get there. And damn will it be worth it when you do. So keep on striving. Ignore the naysayers. Ignore your own inner voice when it tries to question you. Ignore everyone and everything unless it contributes to you creating YOUR dream. You were born to be BRILLIANT. So get out there, dream bigger than big, and MAKE SHIT HAPPEN. You’ve got this!

It was the day this photo was taken when I realised how perfect it would be to just move here. Nathan was 2.5 weeks old but we decided to go for it anyway, and a month or so later this was (is!) our home.

Honestly I don’t miss anything about Melbourne at all except my family and friends. Which is the obvious stuff maybe. But I thought I’d miss more. Saying goodbye to my parents was hard. God, you’d think I’d moved to the other side of the world! I guess I’m more of a homebody than I thought πŸ™‚

I spent around 50k on business coaching

Over the past few years I’ve spent several hundred thousand on business coaching. Disclaimer? This has sometimes meant my profit margin is as low as 7%. Which has led to my credit card debt increasing as I’ve basically lived on credit at times – a lot of times. Many people reading this would be horrified at the idea that I let myself get to over 50k in credit card debt when I’ve had a business generating high five figures each month. It is pretty shocking I guess πŸ™‚ But here’s my ‘excuses’ – I don’t care.

I take risks in my business and in my life, and that has included spending money to grow my business when I haven’t had any money. It’s a fairly common theme with entrepreneurs, getting into debt to further the business dream. Obviously not all business ideas work out so sometimes the risks do NOT pay off. But sometimes they do. And overall, my approach to living my life is I go for what I want and need to uplevel my business and my life. I don’t think ‘can I afford this’ – I think ‘do I need this’. Now don’t get me wrong- I’m not advocating going into debt because who the hell am I to say that’s a good idea. So I definitely don’t recommend it as a SMART plan. I’m just saying it’s largely how I was able to grow MY business so fast. And now? I have savings in the bank.

I live my dream lifestyle on the beach. My business is ever more profitable and still growing. It’s 100% been worth taking a chance on myself. Ultimately it’s something I could do (time and again!) with ease because I believe in myself that much. If you believe you are unstoppable I think you are, even if sometimes the path to success ends up looking different to what you thought it would! And in case you’re wondering yep I do still have credit card debt. I’m paying it off in small amounts weekly, and I’m also saving weekly which feels awesome. I have no intention of letting my dream life/lifestyle be interrupted while I fret over being debt free, I’m happy so long as I see my debt reduce each week and my savings go up, even if it’s just a small amount. As a side note -the 50k or so I spent on business coaching this year led to a direct additional income of over 250k. I invested ALL of that 50k from a place of being in debt. And no, clearly I didn’t put that 250k back into paying off my debts, I put it into further growing my business πŸ™‚ Oh and a bit of it into buying Enzo a motorbike for his 40th. That was cool πŸ™‚

Enzo and I became a lot closer

One of my intentions for 2013 was to be more open and honest with Enzo about what I really want for my business and my life. I guess I’ve hid parts of how I really think and feel in the past as I have worried he wouldn’t understand or agree. I’ve also been a bit dodgy in years gone by with regards to how much money I invest back into my business. Lying by omission.

At the start of 2013 I made a commitment to not do that anymore, and what a great choice it was! We’ve gone from hardly ever talking about living life on your terms and from me feeling like he doesn’t get me or my crazy dreams, to speaking openly and often about creating our reality. Sure, there have been a few raised eyebrows at times over some of the money I’ve spent but he has always trusted I know what I’m doing, and ultimately he’s always had my back. This has paid off not just in terms of peace of mind but also just in the bond that has been more closely woven between us. I’m very grateful. Our relationship started on extremely rocky terms and pretty much everybody bet against us making it for the long haul. I have to say I wondered myself at times. I’m so glad we’ve both had the long-sightedness to stick with it and put up with a lot of craziness from each other to get to where we are now! Which is not by any means to say we are perfect. Man we spit and fight a LOT still. But we make up really well as well, and ultimately, we laugh together, we live well together, and we learn to love more and more deeply with each year that passes.

I fought to live my dream even though I didn’t realise it at the time

This is a funny one. I look back at what I wrote just above about changing my business once again. As I reviewed 2013 I felt quite down on myself at first about not being as true to myself as I think I could or should be. But then I started going through all the blog posts from the year to find the most popular. And what I found was a constant fight to get my true message and voice out there. Pretty much every post I wrote was about living your dream. So I guess the moral there is that even when you find yourself with a focus that is NOT completely aligned (such as focusing on making money rather than on spreading your message) the true you will out one way or another. This gives me hope.

I set an intent at the start of the year to be a more fun Mum, and to be more engaged as a mother and wife

I did a good job at this in some ways, in others I think I still need and want to invest more time and energy into quality family time.

It’s especially important to have ‘girls’ time with Alyssa. I have to admit my default is to work 24/7. If I were alone – no husband or kids – I’d work and train and that’s about it. And I’d be happy. Of course I prefer the life I do have! But I’m not going to lie – I often have the urge to work when I’m with family. I feel guilty when I AM working and I often feel guilty when I’m not, that latter guilt being partly because I have work to do and partly ’cause I feel bad at WANTING to work and not hang out! It’s a practice – I’m practising being present when with my family and I’m practising being okay with not working round the clock. It’s a definite journey! But I’m really happy that I made time throughout 2013 to just be and I am planning for more of it in 2014.

I wanted to do weekly craft afternoons with Alyssa. I think we did less than 10 in the year, but it’s a start!

Mummy and daughter love

Family picnic

I learned that just because you’re breastfeeding does not mean you can get away with eating caramel slices every day and still lose weight.

Sad face.

I lost some friendships, solidified new ones, and had others come back to life.

It’s been a very interesting year for friendships.

I had some old friendships seem to fade away which felt sad at first but I’ve learned that as you evolve you can’t take everyone with you. I don’t mean I am evolving in a better way! I just mean different directions. Sometimes the things that you had in common with someone are no longer there anymore. I used to think you had to nurture friendships for life, now I think maybe it’s okay that some are for a period of time.

I was thrilled to re-engage with some of my oldest and best friends from my ‘growing up’ years this past year, in fact one fun thing was that my childhood best friend moved back to Melbourne from England and was due 3 days after me for her baby! She ended up having him a few weeks ahead, it was kind of a cool shared experience to be at the same stages of labour and newborn-looking after!

Old friendships re-engaged

New friendships solidified, above and below –

Some of my closest new friendships deepened were with fellow online entrepreneurs. This means so much to me, as sometimes the path of an entrepreneur can be a very lonely one! I spent my first 5 years online not knowing a single fellow female entrepreneur and now I am blessed to be surrounded by them through my various online networks. I would attribute a great portion of my emotional and spiritual growth this past year in my business to the support and friendship of other business women.

I had an epiphany

The greatest moment of the entire year happened just a week ago. I guess it’s that time of year for heavy duty reflection, even though I tend to be someone who reflects year-round and possibly too often! And my epiphany was this –

I was never going to organically reach a time in my life when I feel worthy of putting myself out there as the me who I really want to be. Which is me as a dream business and life success coach. Not a business strategist or a body transformation expert, even though those are still areas I will spend much time in. But the ‘big thing’ I do, the big thing I want to be remembered for and where I know I can make the greatest difference is also the thing I’ve been telling myself I can’t have. And I realised there is nothing standing in my way except me. This is incredibly ironic as it is literally exactly what I teach my clients. But sometimes you just don’t get it yourself, do you πŸ™‚ Except now I do. And now I’m doing it. And it’s as awesome as I thought it would be, even though I haven’t yet made any money from it!

As I commented on my free Live Your Dreams in 2014 forum the other day – I could talk about this stuff all day! I really have found my ‘would do it for free’ thing and I can’t wait to renovate my business around it. Whatever YOU are waiting to be ready for right now, just stop. Stop waiting. And start today, ’cause while you will almost certainly regret NOT starting by God will you never regret doing it!

My favourite memory from the year – girls date afternoon tea with Alyssa

Top 5 books or lessons

  • The Millionaire Messenger (Brendon Burchard)
  • How Rich People Think (Steve Siebold)
  • Get Rich, Lucky Bitch (Denise Duffield-Thomas)
  • How to be Wildly Wealthy Fast (Sandy Forster)
  • Leonie Dawson’s workbooks, every year!

And finally, with positivity, reflections on what didn’t work

Warning: unedited honesty from my journal!

I have not really enjoyed myself in business for a lot of this past year, as much as there’s been elements I have LOVED the overall picture has been off. And I can honestly say I didn’t realise that until just now.

I spent the first part of the year looking for ways to automate my existing products and not really getting anything off the ground there yet also not really creating anything new aside from Amazon books which, if I’m honest, I’m not super duper proud of as although I think they’re great and will help people I don’t feel they are my best possible from the heart work. I know I can do better and I feel like I was holding myself back for fear of my best not being accepted. So that way if my books weren’t well received I could tell myself it didn’t matter; they weren’t my best work.

In terms of working hard to automate existing stuff and not create anything new – MAJOR MISTAKE.

What I realise now looking back is that I am a creator and creating is important to me! So it was crazy to try and turn my business into one in which I don’t create on an ongoing basis.

I thought I was doing the smart thing, to capitalise on my existing products which are high-quality and do a great job at helping people. I thought I don’t need to keep making stuff and also kind of that I shouldn’t, that it’s wrong to keep moving on to the next thing, that as a smart business person I should instead improve my marketing and promotion of my existing stuff.

While I still think I DO need to get a lot smarter around marketing and lead generation and have a funnel for all my products I also now know I simply must keep creating new things. Always. One of the most inspired times of my year was the simple pleasure I got from putting together and selling my new Look Great Naked 21-day Cleanse which was only at the end of the year, and then recently creating my new free video training series on how to live your dream life.

I love creating! It feels like SUCH a relief to say this and to give myself permission to madly keep making new stuff and to give it my ALL!

The other major thing that happened in my business this year is that I moved FURTHER away from my vision of what I really wanted to do, and tried to convince myself I could be happy and fulfilled doing what (I thought) will make me the most money, which is being a strategist above being a success/mindset coach. And it’s not even that I didn’t enjoy doing it, because I did, and certainly I loved seeing the results my clients were getting but the long and short of it is simply that it doesn’t make my heart sing, and it’s not what I am meant to be doing NO MATTER HOW MUCH MONEY IT MIGHT MAKE ME.

Also, interestingly, despite that side of my business generating over 200k in revenue in the past 6 months my financial situation is still no better off in fact it’s worse off. There are many reasons for this no doubt but I am also starting to really believe that you can’t create true wealth from a place of poor alignment. The more time passes the more I think ‘fuck trying so hard to make money’ and that the answer to it all is simply to focus on what I truly want to do and how I really want to serve. To create what I need to create and yes to be strategic about marketing and selling it but for the foundation of my work to be about what I want and need to do and what I believe my audience most need and desire and THEN how to effectively sell it. Not ‘how can I make the most money’ and then try to sell it.

Ultimately I believe I will actually end up better off in all ways by being the real me anyway! But even if that’s not the case I don’t care. I’m going for it.

Lesson: I think it is going to be important for me to check back in often on this as I know that I frequently default to ‘how can I make money’, as a pattern and also probably out of fear. I’m excited about moving into 2014 with a vision for my business that is for the first time ever truly about doing what I am called to do which is inspiring women to take action, get over their sh*t, and live their best life. I’m excited about learning what I need to around creating frameworks and strategy for this stuff so that people can effectively implement it and not ONLY be inspired.

Other realisations

Time with family is fleeting. I want to spend more time with my loved ones and I also want to feel I am giving and not just taking.I feel like maybe I’ve been taking a lot from my family and I want to be someone who can graciously give back.

Money: I’m frustrated at the fact that I have not dramatically improved my financial status in terms of my wealth and despite my company generating SO much money, but I’m also curious about it – why haven’t I? I can generally achieve anything I set my mind to so all I can conclude is that either this is not truly important to me or it’s a kind of sabotage. I’d like to think that it’s actually some kind of sabotage whereby if I HAD have achieved true cash wealth doing something I’m not meant to be doing then perhaps that would have meant I’d have given myself long-term to that misaligned role.

So from that point of view it’s protective – the fact that doing stuff that is NOT right for me has NOT allowed me to create financial freedom makes me doubly certain I’m not going to continue down that path and that I’m basically going to say ‘to hell with it’ and follow my true dreams. I’d like to think, following this train of thought, that once I start creating and living from a place of alignment and really giving all my passion and energy to creating and helping people as a success coach that it will also open the doors to true abundance for me.

That feels possible.

It definitely feels like the answer with my money is NOT to try and push myself uphill to make more money from stuff that isn’t aligned, simply as a means to paying my debts off.

I’m giving myself permission to emotionally wipe the slate clean with money.

To accept my failures up till now and to not have them hang over me moving forward. To start from neutral right now and to make my business and life focus one of alignment. To recognise my need to serve as a creator and as someone who inspires and empowers rather than provides nuts and bolts strategy. And to trust that by doing my best work and actually creating new products and programs based on my best work, not only will I fall in love with my business all over again but that abundance will flow.

What else?

Stress has been – as it always seems to be – a big thing for me this past year. I could say a lot about that but really I think the biggest thing is simply that I have been fighting very hard against myself. Fighting to be someone who I’m not and don’t want to be, in business.

As far as in my personal life there are areas of misalignment but overall I’m happy and proud with how I am in my personal life and just within me as a woman. And to give myself a break on the finances side of things, I think the stuff around money has been fear-driven. Thinking that I am not allowed to have success on my terms (so ironic given what I try to teach!) and that if I’m to succeed financially the only way is by doing stuff I don’t really want to do. Craziness.

What else? Spiritually I do feel like I’m missing out. And again I think that’s a fear thing, feeling as though it can’t work for me and continually proving myself right by not committing to regular growth in this area. And the other area of poor alignment simply relates straight back to the business and money fears, which is being computer/work bound and prioritising work above my family. A product of feeling like not matter what I do or how much it’s not enough.

So.

2014.

Again, this is unedited – straight from my journal. So I apologise for the raw honesty and any weird stuff or errors. Okay, I don’t apologise after all! This is me, dreaming big about making crazy sh*t happen.

The big word for 2014 is PRIDE.

I want to feel proud of how I am every single day, every single moment. I want to feel proud of how I am with my body, in business and with my money, with time with my family and loved ones, with my relationship with God, with how I create, with how I live life. I want to live life to the FULL to not hold back on ANYTHING out of fear or uncertainty or doubt. I want to know I am throwing my ALL at my dreams and truly living my best life now. I’m saying no more to delay or procrastination around things I claim are important to me.

The BIG stuff, the BIG dreams and goals for this year; my ‘must’ priorities

I truly throw my everything at creating an incredible business as a success coach, author, speaker, seminar leader and entrepreneur. Meaning I create my little heart out and I make HIGH QUALITY stuff that looks amazing and is easily able to be implemented and CHANGES PEOPLE’S LIVES.

I change over 50,000 lives in 2014. I blast onto the scene as a transformational and PD leader and I help people get back to what TRULY MATTERS TO THEM. I help people to live lives THEY are incredibly proud of in which they are absolutely shining and flying with their health, their wealth, their business or career, their relationships and their self.

I become known for being an incredible thought leader, someone whose work is pure excellence and who truly can and will change your life. I establish my own consistent spiritual connection. I let go of my fears around this and I just give myself over to it. I work only from a place of alignment. Anything I create must be in alignment with what I truly believe is important and how I can best serve.

I eat a CRAPLOAD of greens each day!

I take my focus off making money but I also allow financial abundance to just flow to me. I give myself permission to wipe the slate clean financially and to start anew. I give myself permission to prioritise tithing and savings and to know I still have enough left to pay my bills and live well. I give myself permission to create wealth as a background focus rather than by fighting to create it.

I meet Anthony Robbins. I meet Tim Ferriss. I meet Brendon Burchard.

I establish regular date nights and great sex with Enzo. I have at least a weekly girls date with Alyssa, and spend daily focused play/fun/engagement time with each of my kids.

I train my little heart out and absolutely smash it, often.

I actively increase my skill-set around heart-based marketing and promotion, positioning, packaging. I actively pursue business growth through affiliations and joint ventures with at least one new person each month. I put myself out there and own my right to be at the forefront of the personal development field.

I create. And create. And create. And create!

I refrain from spending in my business or my life just for the sake of spending. Instead I find fulfillment and joy from growing my savings and from CONTRIBUTION. I contribute. I give back. To my own community, to my own family, but also to worthwhile causes. I’m not sure what yet but I would say something to do with kids or maybe even speaking in schools about living your best life or maybe I even run a free seminar around living your best life and following your dreams.

Through the church. I find community through the church. I actively support my family. I have regular reflection time aside from journaling. I.e. Bikram Yoga and lying on the beach.

Fun and adventure

  • Eminem concert
  • Outdoor workouts like beach sprints
  • Sprinting the 1000 stairs πŸ™‚
  • Hmmm, am going to have to spend some more time on this!

Random bucket list stuff

  • A full girls day out with Alyssa
  • To take Mum and Jess out for a girls dinner and night out
  • A girls weekend thing y would be amazing
  • Family day trips and outings
  • Could probably add to this as well!

What is truly important to me that I have NOT been spending (enough) time on lately?

Bikram Yoga

(until recently) writing/creating new content that is purely from the heart

Growing my list

Eating greens

Cardio sweat sessions

Time doing NOTHING i.e. on the beach/after Bikram – just thinking and being

Girls dates/girls time with Alyssa

Study and learning: growth on a personal level and in my business knowledge and skills

Regular saving

That’s it! That’s my wrap up and my 2014 goals, dreams, hopes and wishes in a (rather large) nutshell. I’ll leave you with a shortlist of the most popular and my personal favourite blog posts from 2013.

2013 Focus

If after all of that you’re interested in reading my similar post from the start of last year and seeing how good of a job I did at creating what I intended, here it is – Read the blog (it’s nowhere near as long as this one ;))

You Can Do It On Your Terms

This post caused me to be messaged with a note about how I am telling lies to the public and should be strung and quartered. Okay so he didn’t say that last part, but it was implied. Total from the heart stuff here on what I believe about living your best life – Read the blog.

Will You Die for Your Dreams

A recent post and part of my ‘Live Your Dreams’ series, this is about facing the reality that everyday you are dying for whatever it is you ARE spending your time on. So you might as well stop waiting and die for your dreams! Read the blog.

10 Easy Ways to Make Extra Money This Week

Exactly what it says. Great ideas in here that work if you’re willing to give ’em a go! Read the blog.

Are You Motivated Enough to Achieve Your Dreams?

We all want it all. But do you have the internal drive to actually go out there and get it? If not, I’ll show you how to summon it up! Read the blog

Drop the Mask

Stop pretending and start living the life you’re meant to live and being the YOU who you are meant to be. Note to self to re-read this often πŸ™‚ Read the blog.

Lessons Learned from 5 Days in Hospital

I wrote a post about what I learned from my first hospital stay during my pregnancy. In some ways it was a very positive time and taught me some amazing things about myself and my business, things to be very grateful for – Read the blog.

They Told Me I Was a Sick F*&k

Read the blog.

The Most Powerful Things I’ve Done to Create My Dream Business and Life

This was a really popular post and got a lot of feedback! I think because the things I wrote about are totally doable for just about everyone. Really good inspiring stuff if you ever feel like it’s all too much or too hard. Read the blog.

Are You Brave Enough to Make Sh*t Happen and Follow Your Dreams for Real?

Don’t read if you don’t want a good old-fashioned ass kicking. Possibly a little aggressive. Read the blog.

My Top Ten Money Making Activities from Over the Years

The story of how I built my business to an income point where we can now live from anywhere in the world. I share the habits I’ve implemented since 2007 that have stood out from all the stupid stuff I did and allowed me to get to where I am. Read the blog.

Why You’re Not Rich Yet (this might hurt)

Interesting one to do with the differences between rich and average people. I love this sort of stuff! Read the blog.

How I Quit 1:1 Personal Training and Created a 50k+ per Month Online Business, Doing What I Love

The story of my business, in 3 parts. These were the most popular posts of the entire year, I think because I not only openly shared money stuff but also because I shared my struggles and what didn’t work. Read the blog

Why Bother

How to stay motivated and on track despite the world telling you ‘you can’t’. Read the blog.

How to Plan Now to Make More Money and Have More Fun in 2014

Harsh truths about who you need to start being NOW if you truly want to succeed. Read the blog.

Stop Being so Afraid

More harsh truths. Written from authenticity which I have to say for me means it often is tinged with aggression. I think the aggression is mainly aimed at myself to be honest, but if it helps you get moving as well all the better! Read the blog.

Creating Wealth on Your Terms

Stop doing what you should do to make it, and start doing what you’re meant to do! Read the blog.

100 Ways to Live Your Dreams Now

Another piece which struck a chord with a lot of people because it is made up of simple and doable things that we so often forget. Great daily inspiration and how-to! Read the blog.

Phew! If you’ve read all of that I’m impressed. As I said at the start, this piece is mainly for me but I really hope that if you’ve read this far you’ve got something out of it. If so, please do leave me a comment and let me know!

Life is Now. Press Play.

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