I WAS WIRED TO BE DISSATISFIED
One of the most critical traits of a successful entrepreneur is the constant hunger, the need for more, the need to push and grow and learn and explore and create and just.keep.looking and NEVER be done.
If you possess these traits you’ll never run out of ideas, and there’ll always be something new to create. Every so-called problem will simply propel you into solution overdrive. After all –
There’s always another way! Heck even if things are WORKING there’s always another way, and maybe it could be better!
In fact, probably the only problem you probably can’t solve, at least if you’re anything like me, is the problems associated with BEING this person.
One of the most infuriating and exhausting and also problem-CREATING traits of an entrepreneur worth their salt is the constant hunger, the need for more, the need to push and grow and learn and explore and create and just.keep.looking and NEVER be done.
If you possess these traits you’ll constantly be haunted with new ideas, and there’ll always be something new you MUST do. Every simple problem will keep you up at night and distracted all day thinking of new solutions, tactics, or approaches. After all –
There’s always another way! Heck even if things ARE working there’s always the chance you could fix or twist or change it and maybe it could be better! You’re NEVER DONE AND THERE’LL ALWAYS BE MORE!
I don’t know about you but where these traits most bite me in the ass are in my personal life. I find it so hard to just be OKAY with anything remotely normal or commonplace. It’s not even about whether or not I’m judging the ‘normal’ or whether or not I DO truly aspire for something different or (in my eyes) better for myself. Sure, that’s part of it, and I’m all FOR active aspiration followed by action. But where it gets exhausting … relentless … and can cause an upset in a relationship, perhaps, or simply an unnecessary output of time and energy on something that was already FINE AS IT WAS is when I find myself questioning just for the sake of questioning.
I find it virtually IMPOSSIBLE to accept anything at face value.
I pretty much always assume that I would do it better. (Do what better, you ask? Anything … everything … all of it … really I should just run the whole world!)
I get annoyed (that’s a nice way of saying it) when people – any people – try and tell me how to do something or suggest WHAT I should do, even if their suggestion is truly coming from a place of wanting to help or just because, y’know, people are allowed to have their own opinions. I tend to take it as a personal insult whereby I assume that the person is saying I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT I’M DOING OR AM NOT SMART ENOUGH TO FIGURE IT OUT MYSELF.
So I flip my lid or fire off something angry, leave a trail of chaos in my wake a lot of the time, and basically can’t understand why the world can’t read my mind but also shut up and leave me alone with it.
Some of the time I’m aware of this stuff as I’m doing it … I see how ridiculous I’m being, or that I’m overreacting, or that maybe, just maybe, just once, I could accept something at face value … but most of the time I don’t even stop and think about it.
I’m only thinking about it today because I just had a major blow-up over a bowl of porridge (don’t ask), stormed off angrily and feeling frustrated and now am sitting down to write my #dailyasskickery and thinking, just thinking, about this never.ending.relentless DISSATISFACTION with life.
Asking myself –
Am I even capable of having normal relationships? (Never mind whether I want normal!!)
AM I too much?
AM I just a diva, a bitch, a high-maintenance narcissistic want it all want it now want it MY way princess who was not born for this world and should just go live in a pod, on the beach, with a Gold Mac and wifi and a hot gym nearby, and well, basically a world I create all on my terms??
Am I EVER going to be able to just calm down, accept things, be SATISFIED and be CONTENT?
Is anything ever going to be ENOUGH?
And I know what I should write here. I know what the CORRECT answer is.
Calm down Kat.
Not EVERYTHING has to be such a huge fucking deal!
Sometimes things just are as they are.
Sometimes you can let things go.
And I get it, really I do, and on a logical level I agree that yeah – sometimes things are just as they are, and maybe a bowl of porridge is not worth getting into a fight over (but it was what it REPRESENTED!!!!!).
But just as I do get it and I see the ridiculousness and also perhaps the SABOTAGE in being someone who is never done, never satisfied, always wants more and questions EVERYTHING, reading OH so much into it, here is what else I get:
This is who I fucking am.
And whilst who I am DOES indeed come with it’s (ahem) problems or upsets, so in some way does who EVERYBODY is. It’s not about trying to be a perfect person …
Maybe I CAN let some things go, but also, here are the facts:
I’m a selfish bitch.
I am a diva.
I am a narcissistic high-maintenance princess who wants it all, now, on her terms.
I will NEVER be done.
There is ALWAYS more.
There is ALWAYS a better way, or a more exciting way, or simply another POSSIBLE way and I have.to.explore it!
I LIKE fixing things, improving things, molding things to be my way. What has whether or not they needed fixing got to do with it?!
And I definitely SHOULD go live in some kind of self-created –
Excellent wifi –
With hot gym and awesome food and incredible SUPPORT on hand –
Where I get to wake up every day.
Open my mouth.
Say what I think.
Let it ALL out.
Show the good, the inspiring, the how I can help you but also show the bad, the ugly, the crazy, the flat out RANDOM.
Show up, basically, and just.
Build my own community of freaking SUPERWOMEN who get it, who are equally driven, equally dissatisfied, equally determined to HAVE IT ALL, now, on their terms.
And then create awesome stuff for them, share what they need to hear, show up for them each day and let them see that they’re not alone and that it’s OKAY TO BE THE CRAZY DEMANDING DIVA BITCH you are.
And that if I gave myself PERMISSION to do business this way, life this way, me this way, where instead of telling myself all the ways I’m WRONG or too MUCH or just plain not socially ACCEPTABLE, I instead owned it, owned who I am and what I believe, and instead actively focused on being ME and attracting in those who love me FOR me …
And if I have myself permission to also truly do what I LOVE, but do it AS WHO I AM and you can take it or leave it …
And to not only show up and create from this place but to also SELL from this place and in fact to even use my crazy as a selling POINT, yes, to own it and maybe even apologise when I DO feel I’ve gone too far but also to own it when I do NOT feel I have even though I recognise that yes MOST of the world don’t get me and never will …
Well maybe –
Just maybe –
I could create an incredible business.
Where I’m free to be me.
Where it fucking FLOWS.
Where I get to wake up –
Every day –
And rule the fucking world as the superwoman I AM.
What am I talking about maybe?
I just did.
I have it all.
On my terms.
Where I get to COMPLETELY be me, have an amazing community of SUPERWOMEN, and live my dreams.
YES sometimes being who I am disrupts shit. Sometimes I have to weigh up whether or not it’s WORTH BEING ME in a particular situation.
But most of the time?
I choose to be me. I choose to own ALL of who I am, the good, the bad, the crazy. To actively work on the stuff I want to move on from but not to try and TONE DOWN who I am as a person.
I tried that once.
It was the worst year EVER.
And in the end I had to realise:
I can’t create wealth or an impact when I’m out of alignment, but also:
I flat out wasn’t born for the norm. I AM a ‘difficult’ person. But that’s okay, because I’m not here to fill a place on the planet. I’m here to create and unleash what’s within me. And if it comes at the price of not being seen as socially compliant, as having personality traits that many consider too much or just plain wrong, well, that’s a price I’m willing to pay.
And it’s also exactly why every day, I keep creating my own world.
You can too.
Life is NOW. Press Play.
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So if you’re wired for dissatisfaction like me …
And you just want MORE …
And you’re willing to go get it?
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It’s time to press fucking play!