HOW I LOST MY BABY WEIGHT AND HOW I MAKE MY MONEY ARE THE SAME THING
I see a lot of people talking about this concept of faking it till you make it, some of them getting worked up about it like it’s WRONG and others embracing it as the secret key to everything.
Personally I just don’t like the WORDING of it – why would I want to embrace the idea that something I’m doing is FAKE, or not me?
But here’s what I have found helfpul:
Act as IF you were already there.
I first really embodied and understood this concept after my daughter came along, just over 7 years ago now. Up until I’d fallen pregnant, my entire identity had been wrapped up in having a fitness model type body. I was super lean, super body obsessed, the slightest deviation in my weight was COMPLETELY unacceptable, I was as close to perfect as can be, visually, according to my own standards.
I HATED being pregnant, as far as the physical changes. I wanted the pregnancy, it was deliberate, and I was thrilled to be pregnant but I hated BEING pregnant. I hated the out of control feeling! My body was no longer my own and I couldn’t stand it.
But I KNEW: as soon as I have this baby I will be getting myself back to SHIT hot shape in zero to no time. Nothing will stop me!!
I was so committed to this idea that I even took my GYM gear to hospital with me to give birth! lol!! My hospital looked over Melbourne’s beautiful Fitzroy Gardens and I figured I could go for a jog around the park in between visiting hours. I’m sitting here laughing at myself as I write this. I honestly believed that it was a perfectly viable idea!!
Anyway, that didn’t happen (duh), but I DID get my ass to the gym the same day we brought Alyssa home from hospital. I made sure to not overdo it – did a 25 minute bodyweight circuit super carefully and promptly passed out.
Being realistic has not always been my strong suit …
After that I didn’t go CRAZY on training or dieting or anything but I was pretty conscious of it. I was certain I could have my pre-baby body back within weeks. I gave myself 6 weeks, upper limit, after all – I was a fitness expert and freakin’ COMMITTED baby!
So you can imagine that when she was 6 months old and I was still HUGE (in my mind) I was not coping too well. Whether or not you’ve got the whole body obsession background that I have, I’m sure you understand the concept of HOLDING ON TOO TIGHTLY to a goal you’re trying to FORCE to reality.
I was holding on so damn tightly I couldn’t breathe, and I was flat out MISERABLE walking around in my frumpy baby body. My whole identity had been wrapped up in how I looked, for over 10 years prior to that, and I felt like I had NOTHING left. I honestly couldn’t even enjoy my new baby. I remember going to a Kinesiology session, amongst a gazillion other things, to try and establish why the weight wasn’t going and what came up was that I had no JOY in my life.
My friend, who was doing the session, asked me “when did you last feel joy”, and I THINK I came up with something from years back relevant to fitness. He asked me if I hadn’t experienced it after meeting my new daughter, and I just looked at him blankly, and with a little shame creeping in I guess.
But no. I hadn’t.
All I cared about was how I HAD to look.
I’m not sure if it was as a result of that session, or just a combination of things, but shortly afterwards I got to really thinking. I was walking through the streets of Melbourne one day, shoulders slumped inwards, zero confidence because I knew that EVERYBODY WAS LOOKING AT HOW BAD I LOOKED and I wished I had a sign with me that said “I just had a baby!”, since she wasn’t with me, and suddenly it hit me:
I was ACTING like an out of shape and sad sack of a woman. I was ACTING like I had no fucking pride, confidence, or CHOICE. I was ACTING like everything I didn’t want to be and was therefore (DUH!) CREATING on repeat!
And like the waters fucking parting before me, the answer was suddenly clear:
Just act as if.
Act as the kind of Mum I WANT to be.
Start to walk, talk, eat, train, even think, breathe, hold my POSTURE, like a HOT Mum!
I realised that a hot fit Mum who felt good about herself would not be holding on so tightly, trying to FORCE results.
Would not be walking around town with her entire posture physically CONTRACTED.
Would not be obsessively watching everything she ate and freaking out if she missed a workout, either!!
Would instead be PRESENT in her body … eat and workout based on what FELT right … give herself permission, also, to enjoy being a Mum and not make it all about how she fucking looked!
I basically let out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding for about 15 months, pregancy included.
And within 5 weeks?
I had abs.
I did a FITNESS photo shoot with the photographer who shoots the cover for Oxygen magazine.
I felt GREAT about how I looked, but more importantly I could BREATHE and I was able to be within my body, be with my daughter, be in flow in my LIFE.
And all I had to do, the whole time, I realised, was stop worrying about how to try to GET to where I wanted to go and instead just be there NOW.
In business, I see so many people who are just holding on SO fucking tightly it’s ridiculous.
Last night alone I had 4 separate 1:1 conversations with clients which were essentially around this same topic. One of them had messaged me prior to the call, our first call together incidentally, the list of reasons she wasn’t where she wanted to be. REALLY angry at herself about not sorting her fucking funnels or tech stuff, and asking me at the end what insights I had about why things weren’t yet working.
Before I could even finish reading the message all I was thinking was “for fucks sake, woman! It’s not the fucking funnels! It’s that you’re holding on SO DAMN TIGHTLY you might as well be trying to choke abundance to death!”
In fact she’d even said that making money RIGHT NOW was a matter of life or death!
I hit her hard with all this on our call, and we quickly established that actually the WORST CASE OUTCOME if she didn’t make money now was NOT in fact DEATH.
I’m fine with being a hardass on my clients about this stuff and also talking about it here, because I’ve DONE this myself and it fucking COST me.
I spent several years caught up in trying to FORCE money to come to me, and let me tell you:
Money does not care for desperation!! And you just can’t receive it when you’re not in flow.
So let me be perfectly clear in saying: if you’re so damn wrapped up right now in NEEDING THINGS TO WORK NOW BECAUSE OH MY GOD I MIGHT DIE IF THEY DON’T, then you have ZERO ZERO ZERO fucking chance of SEEING things work.
How the fuck do you expect to bring your BIG vision and indeed even any short term results to life if your every cell is screaming “I’m not there yet and I don’t have what it takes!”
In order to create your desired outcomes you plain and simply need to let go of trying to force reality NOW to magically be where you think it should be. You need to stop freaking the fuck out! What is the WORST that could happen? Look that shit in the eye and ACCEPT it! It’s very unlikely TO happen, but if you don’t embrace the worst case possibity and just surrender to where you are NOW, you make it literally impossible to move ON from now.
How can you move to the next phase –
If you refuse to exist in this one?!
But here is what you CAN do, what you MUST do, what makes it so damn easy, what REALLY you’re being so damn silly NOT to do!
ACT AS WHO YOU WOULD BE WHEN YOU’RE THERE!
Let me ask you a question:
If you were THERE, and it was fully WORKING, and money was FLOWING, and you freaking OWNED it, and everybody wanted EXACTLY what you want to GIVE them, how would you show up then?
How would you walk?
Go through your day?
Hold your body?
What would you wear?
Who would you connect with?
What standards would you hold for yourself?
HOW WOULD YOU SHOW UP AND WHO WOULD YOU BE?
I’ll bet that if you take a good hard look in the mirror right now you’ll see that the way you’ve been acting is pretty fucking squirm-inducing, to be honest!!
The desperation …
The anxiety …
The ANGER or frustration you let out …
The fear in your eyes, your throat, your God damn message …
The ‘please like me’ bullshit …
And so much more I don’t need to go into right now!
Is it any wonder you find yourself cycling on repeat through the same stuff when you’re actively CREATING it on repeat?!
It’s ridiculous to expect to get to THERE when you’re so insistent on acting like a person who desperately WANTS to stay here!!
And here is what it all comes down to, in the end:
The world will believe you are whoever you show yourself to be, yes.
So will you.
So wake the fuck up. You want things to change well you have that power NOW, but you need to make a choice now to start ACTING now as the person who you say you want to be.
You can wait if you like.
Oh so tight.
But sooner or later you’re going to realise that all you had to do?
Was create and LIVE as the version of you who you long to be.
Just remember, as you think about whether you want that yet:
Life is Now. Press Fucking Play.
PS Ready to BRING HOME 2016 WITH KAT?!
I’ve just realised my BRING HOME 2016 21-Day 3-Part challenge!!
I couldn’t decide so I’m doing it ALL!
1) Badass With a HOTass: 21 Days to Ripped, Fast, and Loving It!
2) Monetize on Purpose: 21 Days to Get Aligned and Learn How to Monetize YOU
3) Create It Launch It Sell It: 21 Days to SOLD!!
Click the link to watch and read all about my December challenges and choose which one YOU are going to join me on … or get all 3 and pay only for 2!!
It’s time to CLAIM ownership over who you say you want to be gorgeous – let’s bring 2016 home with bells on!
www.katloterzo.com/bringhome2016withkat <— Get on it now, we start Monday!!!