STOP BEING SUCH A FUCKING SCAREDY-CAT!
Success Mindset

STOP BEING SUCH A FUCKING SCAREDY-CAT!

So I had this conversation with a client yesterday, a PM chat that went back and forth for a few hours. We’d been going back and forth for a few weeks really, and last night things came to a head.

Can I be honest with you?

I kind of cracked it with her and came very close to telling her to go get her head out of her ass about it all and come back to me when she was ready to do the real work. (sorrynotsorry J … you know you needed it!)

The basic gist of our chats these past few weeks:

I don’t know what I really want to do.

Okay I want to do this, but I’m not sure how and it seems vague.

Meanwhile why is this other stuff I’m doing that I don’t care about that much but yet I CAN do and surely people DO want not working?

I’m stuck, I don’t know what to do.

I want to do this if I’m honest.

Why is my stuff not selling?

I’m stuck.

— cue resistance and avoidance when I pushed too hard on the deeper questions —

I’m stuck, I’m frustrated, why aren’t things not working?!

People don’t want me to sell THAT.

etc etc, it went on for 191 messages. Facebook tells you that stuff

And okay – the I’m stuck and not sure theme is a common one. The conversations I had with this client are really common as well, although I will say she was particularly mule-headed about refusing to fully state what she REALLY wants to do and feels called to do, even leaving the conversation at times rather than answering me!

But here’s where it gets really interesting –

I don’t know this client SUPER well yet. She’s been in my Society for a month, and we’ve talked a lot during that time, but we hadn’t been in chats prior to that and so what I know? Is what I’ve seen.

And what I’ve seen?

Was reserved –

Withheld –

Bland, to be honest –

A stuck person who didn’t seem to want to be unstuck and who came across as fairly demure and without a whole lot to say. And since we’re being REALLY honest here and all? I was getting a little worried. Where was the fire, the spark, the TRUE passion that ALWAYS comes with any true message and that is just damn ESSENTIAL as a leader?

But yet this woman chose to join a group which is actively known as being for ‘revolutionary fucking leaders’ who are willing to LEAP off the cilff, put their true selves out there, and build a brand, no unleash a MOVEMENT around being them. A group in which my role is KNOWN to be repeatedly kick your ass into alignment and action, but yet she constantly danced away from me when I tried to do so!

Wrong group, wrong person, not really a leader?

From what I was hearing and seeing I was starting to wonder, but at the same time I knew: no. She’s here for a reason.

Anyway.

Fast forward a few glasses of wine last night and it was getting quite late and I was just about ready to shut down my PMs when she said something that made me sit up and literally AHA out loud:

Actually, two somethings:

“I tried to do that once but nobody bought it”

Followed by –

“Everytime I let the real me out people in my life don’t like me, and leave”

Well fuck me. I was getting tired of the niceties and so I just let her have it –

“Okay if you believe then STOP RESISTING AND DOUBTING YOURSELF. Seriously – you have got to just choose to own it. FUCK what your friends / family / whoever think. You weren’t born to lead them.

And also: on the people not initially responding thing – if it’s your message and what you believe, you keep going!

I spoke about the stuff I now make a LOT of money from for YEARS before I got paid for it. AND I doubted it, stopped, started, stopped, started for same reasons you are saying. ultimately I didn’t give myself a proper chance because I kept stopping and doubting!

When I FULLY committed and went all in with a will not back down EVER attitude … look what happened. You HAVE to be all in, it’s like trying to be half-Christian or half-pregnant or something otherwise. No bueno.”

Okay so I guess it wasn’t that full on … but given the nice and gentle tone of our conversation up until then, kind of!

What happened next nearly had me fall off my chair. In short: the gloves came off and this nice, meek reserved woman started swearing her pants off at me telling me who she really was! It was like a decade or two of repression of her true self suddenly unleashed in 2 minutes onto ME. I honestly have never been more taken aback by ANYTHING a client has said or done to me … she fully had me BELIEVING she was this withheld person with nothing TRULY powerful to say.

And this fiery … vicious … whirlwhind … AWESOME energy she unleashed onto me was more intense, more passionate, more powerful than even the MOST powerful messages I reckon I put out there.

This was a DRIVEN fucking woman with something to say, a message to share, and knowledge and truth that can HELP people.

SO WHERE THE FUCK HAD THIS PERSON BEEN HIDING?!

And why the fuck had we been talking boring freaking boring-ness to do with her, her business, her life for the past few weeks while she wriggled her way out of anything I tried to pin her down on to do with true message and calling?!

The answer, of course, is simple, and one you might relate to:

She didn’t know how to express what she really wanted –

Had SORT OF tried to fully own her true calling once, and nobody bought –

Plus people in the ‘real world’ frowned upon her when she acted as intense as she actually IS, and she’d even lost friends over it.

In short, an implanted and CHOSEN belief of “it’s not okay for me to be who I really am, and besides I don’t know HOW to translate that into business”.

Can I ask you something?

Do you ever feel as though you hold yourself back in what you’re doing in your business, in the messaging you’re putting out there, in the way you know you can truly HELP people, because you’re worried what people would think if you say what you REALLY thought, or because you don’t know HOW, or because you can’t even fully handle your OWN passion it’s so full on?

Look, honestly, I don’t even really care what you answer to that, but here’s what I really wanna know:

When are you going to stop being such a fucking scaredy-cat about whether or not you live the LIFE you were born to live?!

I can tell you I have NEVER been happier about a PM chat with a client, as what I saw unleashed in this woman by the end of all that – and God it took a while – was a force to be reckoned with that can change the WORLD. And as she said herself …. for 42 years she’s been conforming and not being who she really is, not acting how she actually feels. So right now she has a choice: either go ALL IN and figure that shit OUT in terms of the business and money-making side of things, or spend the next 42 years trying to get everyone to like you.

Good luck with THAT.

Most of the reasons people give me for not owning and releasing their true message and power in their business all boil down to 3 things:

I don’t know how.

I don’t know if I can really DO that.

What will people think or say?

So let’s just make it really simple here. ‘Cause I’m happy to kick your butt about it personally as well if need be but I can tell you already that here’s what I’m going to say:

If you have a calling and you know it, I don’t know how is not a valid excuse.

If you have something inside of you that you’re DYING to get out, I don’t know if I can is not a valid excuse.

If you KNOW you have a message and can help people, hesitation based on what others might think is just plain STUPID as no matter which way you go somebody is sure to not like you!

My client was worried that nobody would like her if she showed who she really was … well I can tell you that nobody was NOTICING her being this pretend meek little person.

But it’s not even about that, is it?

YOU HAVE FUCKING PERMISSION TO LIVE THE LIFE YOU CRAVE!

The stuff that is INSIDE of you, that you REALLY feel about business, about life, about you? That’s the freaking stuff you have to get out there to the world! I don’t CARE if you don’t know how or if you tried once for 6 weeks or whatever! If you believe in something and you care about it you give it your all for LIFE and you fucking MAKE it work because we’re talking about WHO YOU ACTUALLY ARE.

You don’t ‘have a go’ at being who you really are beneath it all and then go running back to scared and shy and doing what you think people want you to do!

And here’s something else:

You want to make money?

You want to start a revolution?

You want to actually BE the leader you SAY you are?

You’re going to have to give us the good stuff honey! Shy little vanilla cupcake with a pretend message ain’t gonna cut it! You’re going to have to get ALL THE WAY real with what you’re saying, what you show you care about, and with NOT caring if some people don’t like you for it. Guess what? They won’t!

You’re going to have to also stop focusing on the HOW and the I don’t KNOW and just start TRUSTING whole-heartedly in the process. If you’re fully committed and you believe your dreams are possible that means you’re FULLY COMMITTED AND YOU BELIEVE YOUR DREAMS ARE POSSIBLE, so therefore you fucking ACT like someone committed who believes their dreams are possible.

You know?!

So.

The thing. There’s always a thing! Today it’s a short and to the point thing. You ready?

STOP BEING SUCH A FUCKING SCAREDY-CAT.

Let the real you out.

Be OKAY with being who you are.

And fuck what anybody, least of all you, has to say about it.

Your message is your message for a reason. You want somebody to pay attention, you want to lead people, you want to get to do things the way your soul craves? Then you’re going to have to turn on the lights sister.

Or fade into the background with the rest of the no-names.

Remember –

Life is Now. Press Play.

Kat x

KL FB Pic thumbnail

— PS Want me to OFFICIALLY be there for you every day kicking your butt into alignment and action, PLUS be part of the most insanely epic mastermind for women entrepreneurs who are revolutionary fucking leaders?? I have quietly opened up 5 new places in ‪#‎thesociety‬ this week; 3 are gone and 2 remain. You will be blown away by how quickly we make shit happen in this group … even I am flabbergasted at the shifts and also hardcore RESULTS that have taken place in a matter of weeks for these women. All I ask? Is you give me the real you! www.katloterzo.com/secretsociety

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