The Relentlessness of Being Driven (How I Built This Business)
This is how.
I’m not the only one who feels this way, I’m sure of it.
And most of the time it’s a good thing, right? A fucking epic great GRAND thing. To be like this. To be so driven, so relentlessly fucking driven to achieve your goals, your dreams and basically anything and everything which is ever presented to you as even remotely POSSIBLE. Remotely? Ha! I’ll give you remotely! IF I CAN DREAM OR CONCEIVE OF IT I CAN ACHIEVE IT BITCHES! Tell me I can’t and I’ll do it by YESTERDAY, with my eyes closed and my hands tied!
I was having a conversation about this just today – about why on earth it is that so many people DON’T go and make everything they even a little bit want happen when they see it’s possible, why they just say how cool that would be or how much they’d LOVE that but apparently not enough to even attempt it for a minute!
This has been a theme I’ve really noticed since beginning to live location free.
It started when we spent 6 months living in a resort on Australia’s Gold Coast, a shit-hot resort right on the beach, incredible light white full ocean view modern apartment, 3 pools, gym, restaurant, cafes etc all a stone’s throw away. At least a couple times a week in the jacuzzi I’d end up chatting with people who were spending a few days at the resort and without exception they were a mix of taken aback and incredibly fucking envious when they heard that we lived there. Also without exception the first ‘next’ question was: ‘so what do you do?’ (or, and this is a GREAT way to get to see my head implode by the way, ‘what does your husband do?’).
So, I’d tell them.
And, I’d tell them how doable it is as well, for anyone who decides they really want to make money online and live location free.
And without exception?
They’d smile and shake their heads at how WONDERFUL it sounded and express how much they’d LOVE to be able to live like this, and then they’d announce, almost like they learned a fucking script at some point (hmmmm!) that even though they wish they COULD there is ‘no way I could ever do that’.
To which I’d smile sometimes or on other occasions when feeling a little less compassionate of people’s feelings (or maybe more so?!) question if that were actually true or if perhaps it wasn’t worth giving it a fucking go if you’d LOVE TO DO THAT, but never would I say what I actually thought … and now that I think about it yes I WILL if given the chance again, as I do when it’s my loved ones or, well, you guys, which is –
what. the actual. fuck.
You say you WANT something? You say you’d LOVE it? You say that would be AMAZING and you couldn’t imagine anything more incredible and then you outright fucking admit that you wouldn’t even TRY it?!
Why not just go lay down in the dirt and be done with it then?!
Of course what’s really going on is obvious:
The norm is to choose (so-called and it REALLY is fucking so-called!) safety over freedom.
The norm is to choose the road well traveled over unknown terrain.
The norm, quite simply, is to not trust in yourself.
Not take risks.
Not have a crack.
Not even fucking attempt to have a fucking crack!
Which is WELL fucked up, in my humble opinion.
But then, there you have it – I’m one of THOSE people. Like you, I am driven beyond what the normal person can even comprehend, although to be quite honest I don’t believe that I think that everybody has a drive to live an incredible life in whatever form that would be for them but they are so damn SHEEPIFIED into thinking that their very SAFETY and SECURITY is in danger if they dare step outside the lines.
And the sad truth is that if that’s what they believe? Then so it is BECAUSE THEY CHOOSE TO ALLOW IT TO BE SO.
So yes. I am driven. I am driven to the point where if I see or hear of ANYBODY doing ANYTHING that speaks to my heart or soul, that calls or compells me or just seems like a ridiculously fun or cool thing to do I decide to do it.
I built a million dollar business online as soon as I decided it was going to actually happen.
I’ve got myself into shit-hot shape everytime I’ve made up my mind to.
I’ve won competitions, run races, built things, invented things, reached incredible ‘markers’ of success in every single area I have MADE UP MY MIND TO.
I’ve also failed dimsally at MANY things I’ve attempted and when I look back I see without fail a reason why I ALLOWED myself to not succeed in the way I first planned to, but what I have never done, never even considered doing, or at least not for so long that I can’t even remember, is NOT attempted something that has called to me.
And I just don’t understand why the hell you wouldn’t?
It BEFUDDLES me. But most of all it makes me sad. And angry. I feel a sense of anxiety, fear and despair when I see people – especially those I care about – NOT chasing after the things they expressly express they would ‘love to have’. And I just want to fucking SHAKE them and say don’t you see? Life is NOW! If you don’t press play now when will you EVER?!
I guess the truth is that in many cases they know they won’t ever.
And they’ve decided that that’s the price they have to pay for safety, for security, for knowing what to expect.
Well! I hope that works out for them!
Of course there is a darker side to being so driven, and that’s why I started writing tonight.
Tonight … tonight I am battling my drive. Not battling to BE driven but actually battling – or perhaps not battling any longer since I’m now writing this 😉 – battling to NOT be driven. Tonight was a ‘night off’, a quiet night after a family day of fun in the sun in the Bali resort where we live this week, so great to be back in the tropics after the last few months in Europe … God the beach and resort living is really what I’m cut out for! … but anyway, a night off.
And – I can’t.
I just CAN’T do this sit back and ‘watch TV’ or ‘read because it’s designated relax time’ or basically just watch the fucking clock until it’s sleep time and I feel like I’m counting down the minute till I DIE and I feel the anxiety and the NEED build within me to just CREATE or DO or I will EXPLODE!
And I wonder …
Is this okay? Should I be trying to CHANGE this? Should I be trying to just ‘relax’ and ‘be normal?’. Of course I know the answer to that which is, essentially, fuck normal! But still. At times it is just a damn NUISANCE to always need to be DOING and CREATING. Certainly the normal people in your life don’t appreciate it. But even for you and I … it can be tiring. Being so relentless. It’s, well, darn relentless at times!
But here is what I’ve come to realise.
Everybody has that twitch within them, that urge, that niggle, that voice saying – this isn’t enough. Do something. Create something. Be something. Most people have just numbed themselves to it almost completely OR they require the numbing of it daily via food / alcohol / Facebook / whatever because otherwise they might have to admit they way they’re killing their entire fucking life.
When you’re somebody who is used to LISTENING to that voice and acting on it, it becomes a damn impertinent thing and nearly impossible to shut up. Which is mostly a thank-fucking-God situation, otherwise none of us would last any length of time in THIS game, would we now? Goodness knows it’s not for the meek and nor is it something to embark upon if you ‘once in a while feel like making something of yourself!’. It’s an ALL IN SORT OF A THING.
But on occasion, yes. It would be nice to have just a MOMENT’S respite from the urge to push.
On occasion it would be nice, perhaps, to ENJOY doing nothing … to enjoy the brain-numbing activities of the brain numb. And sometimes I suppose I do, and I’m sure you do also.
But on other times … on these occasions … for me on this hot Bali night, now is not such a time.
So here is where we make our decision.
Do we force ourselves to ‘be normal’? Do I tell myself to watch the time pass, or go to sleep early, because I said I wouldn’t DO tonight?
And the answer is, obviously, no.
I never have.
And I never will.
And I suppose that when all is said and done, if I look back over the past 10-15 years of actively chasing my dreams, you know where most of those dreams were conceived of and ultimately begun?
In the cracks and crevices between at one point trying to live the normal life.
In between personal training clients, while the other trainers went for coffee or sat and hung out.
In the early early mornings and the late late nights, when I couldn’t sleep because of how strong my drive burned, or when I chose not to sleep because of how urgently the need to act on my dreams was impressed upon my soul.
In the times when partner after partner watched TV, or read the paper, or caught up with the news.
On the occasions when I said no to the dinner out, or the night at the pub, or the shopping trip because ‘that’s what girls do on the weekend’.
In the 5 minutes sitting at a doctor’s office because why the fuck would I read a magazine?
In the 2 seconds sendinga note or an idea to myself via email or text while standing in a checkout queue.
In the hastily or lengthily scribbled ideas on napkins, scraps of waiter paper, scraps of anything, while out doing ‘normal things’.
In the many many sleepless hours while newborns slept or didn’t sleep.
In the weeks spent living off and on in hospital while my body and my life and my baby were all under threat during my second pregnancy.
In the spare 15 minutes when I went to meet a friend and they were late.
In the times after or before the playground or ‘Mothers Group’ dates when my firstborn was sleeping in her pram and I sat in a cafe and was the only Mum with a laptop out and a mission on.
In the times when I dragged my ass out of bed at 5 because I had a toddler who’d soon wake and I knew that if I didn’t do it NOW it would never happen.
In the ad breaks when I was watching a show – yes sometimes I DO do normal! – and I’d jump up to write an idea down or to send an email, or to even write something on a product or program.
In the Saturday morning ‘lazy time’ when I’d forget it was Saturday and create a new product or program entirely off the cuff and just because I HAD to.
In the times when my fingers would be flying over the keyboard (no wonder I type 3000 words an hour now, God knows I’ve had the practice!) to finish finish FINISH all my ideas before my next client or appointment.
In the spare 30 minutes before my 6am clients, back in my PT days, when I’d drive into the city early just to stop at a cafe and get something DONE before the madness began.
In the Christmas Day naptime when everyone was quiet and my mind wouldn’t stop.
In the middle of the night.
In the middle of a thought.
When the insomnia wouldn’t quit.
When the wine was all gone.
When the ideas were all stale and yet STILL I couldn’t stop.
When people were talking to me.
When I was talking to them.
In the middle of being a friend, a wife twice over, a sister, a mother, a daughter, a woman.
In the middle of being normal.
In the middle of living my life.
In the middle of BEING alive.
This is where I built a million dollar business.
On my terms.
A location free life.
Living first class.
Doing as I please.
Working with the EXACT clients I want.
Making stuff that excites my fucking SOUL.
Where I can’t believe I get paid to do this, to just be me, never mind this much, never mind the incredible feeling of seeing the difference I make.
So is it a problem, the relentlessness of being so relentless, so driven, so unable to STOP?
Is it a problem, you ask me, as I sit here late on a Saturday night NOT sleeping, not watching TV, not being normal, but in the middle of all that writing this, in this bar on the beach in Bali?
Is it a PROBLEM that I couldn’t sit back, do nothing, when the kids are asleep and there IS nothing to do, nothing happening, is it a problem that I feel I am HEALING or CURING myself just by writing this and yet it’s also a message for YOU and my messages like this from the heart are the EXACT THING WHICH MADE THIS MILLION $$ BIZ AND LIFE?
Is it a PROBLEM I can’t help but respond to the call of the drive?
Is it a problem I just. can’t. handle. normal?
I’m sure not going to try and make out it makes life simple, nor is it always ideal for other people around you, but as far as whether it’s a problem?
I’d say it’s fucking essential, wouldn’t you?
Life is Now. Press Play.